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Private Equity

“Tuesday is Zumba Night for My Wife,” and Other Reasons That PE Person Can’t Talk to You

Dealmakers are busy, I mean they’re really swamped. Totally underwater. And while we might make jokes about how this somehow always seems to occur in the Hamptons, Cannes, and Nantucket, we know that PE and IB can be a pretty demanding profession. Since we get a lot of “I’m jammed up” messages, we put together a little compilation of our favorites. Have at it!

“I’m sorry to say I can’t speak this week – I’m swamped. Literally Alligator hunting down in the Bayou. Will get back to you when I change my pants. Thanks.”

“Thanks for reaching out. Sorry I have been pretty tied up this week, so I have not been able to respond till now. Literally I am tied up in someone’s basement. He just keeps repeating ‘EBITDA’ to himself in a midwestern accent.”

“We are just swamped on a deal right now. Literally the company manufacturers a powder that prevents swamp ass. As discussed in the past, my partner [redacted] suffers immensely from a swampy lower half, so he is really heads down. I will reach out when things dry up.”

“I’m 100% focused on our current acquisition as I’m managing/operating partner. Reach back out to me in 6 weeks and I’d like to talk with you. And I mean it. I’m knee deep in dead bodies right now. We just bought a large scale wholesale mortuary.”

“Sorry, Tuesday is Zumba night for my wife.”

“Let’s push out to Monday. I am now meeting with the city sewer people in the morning and hope to get to the bottom of our problem…..”

“I’d love to connect. However, I’m in the weeds on a deal right now. The deal is literally a garden pesticides company, so I’m currently trying to kill certain plants. Will let you know when I’m free.”

“It’s cinco de mayo so I’m up to my eyeballs in tequila. Touch base next year.”

“We no longer actively look for opportunities. We grow internally or we kill and then eat competitors.”

“Today is crazy. Actually, all week is crazy. Not sure today is that special.”

“My schedule looks like a Jackson Pollock Painting right now”

“We’re running a marathon at a 5 minute per mile pace. Didn’t want you to think you had to keep poking the bear.”

And last, but not least:

“not swamped, just absolutely feelin it”

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